Noah's Ark myth, oh! I mean story

by Ricey Wild

Just recently I was reading (I do a lot of that) where a Native Nation asked that the public (non-Indians) not refer to their creation stories as 'myths'. I so agree with that! In my previous job I gave tours, told our Rez creation stories, old and new, and made sure that the un-informed had something new to think about after they left. I repeated the story of the Great Flood, how it must have really happened because not only does that story show up in all our world's cultures, but there is now geological evidence to support it.

We all know the Noah's Ark myth, oh! I
mean story. How God told this old guy with a long
white beard to build an 'ark' which in pictures
looks a whole lot like a boat, but who am I to
question God's verbal use of flotation devices?
Any rate I bet you can sing along with me how he
loaded up a bunch of animals two-by two-hurrah!
Hurrah! (Why they allowed woodticks to board is
beyond me, but then maybe they were just stuck to
the rez dogs who were included).

Well, I wish I could properly describe
the expressions of the people whom I shared our
Creation story with, their wide eyes, gaping
mouths and gasps of surprise! Now, listen, these
are good people, they just have no idea that
there are other important and ancient religions
in the world. Oh, they know about the major
organized religions, Islam of course, Judaism,
Buddhism, and of course the one most
indoctrinated in to our culture, Christianity.

I got no problem with those who embrace a
different religion than I choose to practice, let
me say that right away. I do have a big issue
with those who try to convert by coercion, force
or trickery or downright lies. Look in your
history books, the front line to the occupation
of our Turtle Island were missionaries. In
Rezberry's case they were Jesuits who preached
fire and brimstone(?), and a miserable life in
white man's hell where no Indian had yet trod.

The Christian's then gleefully reported
back to their respective tiny kingdoms that the
New World was peopled by red demon worshipers,
but they could be saved for X amount of money,
and could you send it in care of the Pope (or
whatever head of state)? Of course the countries
of the invaders had their own problems at home,
they were running out of dry wood with which to
burn witches, warlocks and the like.

When the invaders encountered our Native
Nations and the Aztec and Mayan peoples they saw
nothing of the ancient, amazing, sophisticated
civilizations we had created, no, they chose to see and report the
occasional human sacrifice to the Gods. And this
is different from burning people alive and a
weekly 'drinking the blood and eating the body of
Christ'? How? Yeah, some of you may be mad right
now but if you read this column and know where
I'm coming from, you will at least give it some
thought and consideration. Please.

Because I am still really angry about Mel Gibson's movie, "Apocalypto".
The other day I was in Blockbuster and I
asked my son Steve if he had ever seen that
movie. "No", he sez, "but I heard it was really
good!" Action, adventure, gore and blood yes, any
American male would find it entertaining. The
truth of it is that the story and so-called facts
are wholly and entirely inaccurate, to put it
very nicely. As a matter of fact it is so full of
#*^%&(*&*(& and *^%@%4r%% that I got in major
fight with a friend who also thought it was a
good movie. And he's Mexican.

There just ain't nothing funny about
being Indian and allowing the invader's
descendants to lie about our Native origins! The
collective world population accepts them as fact,
not the fiction it is. We have to step up, put a
stop to the horrifyingly grisly stories like Mel
Gibson's sanctimonious 'Apocalypto' and tell them

Well now, on a lighter note, well, sort
of, I went to the Rezberry Cop Shop and turned
myself in for a warrant. I didn't actually mean
to but that's exactly how it happened. I was a
criminal and was never informed!

Yes, my friends, I am currently out on
bail, and here's me with no priors (I just
learned that word from a friend). I'm going to
have to continue this story in next month's
issue, that is if I am.not in the gray bar hotel!

It sure ain't easy being a wanted Indian, let me
tell ya! And I plan to plead Innocent yer Honor!
Just so you know. And my alleged crime? Tune in
next month when..